—anonymous —anonymous Over the next few years, I really embraced it as I read and learned more, and wanted a second kid (in hindsight, for “do-over” reasons mostly). I remained single as I had my second when my firstborn was age 7. I discovered I wasn’t such a good parent, but there’s nothing to do about it once you’re actually a parent. I try my best, but my shortcomings torture me daily. I encourage everyone to just not have kids if you have any doubts about it. Just get fixed (like I am now) and help support other parents! —anonymous —anonymous As it turns out, thanks to the adjustments I had to make in my career to accommodate being a mom, I landed upon my dream job and have never felt happier. After my son was born, it took awhile for ‘mom mode’ to sink in, but I am now absolutely obsessed with my beautiful baby and so in love with him and with the family my husband and I have created together. This whole experience really highlighted my privilege for me though — I’m lucky to have a strong support system and also lucky to live in a state where I have the freedom to choose what happens to my body. I chose to become a mom, but I had the freedom to choose otherwise — the fact that this is not the norm for women in other states is unconscionable and contemptible." —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous Instead, my already high anxiety became stratospheric. The baby screamed a lot at night, and we barely slept. I turned into a zombie by week 4, couldn’t think straight, couldn’t remember simple tasks. I realized quickly that the second-best thing about holding a baby is giving it back to the parents. When it’s your own, there’s no giving it back. Cut to three years later and we’re having a second one, because my wife was an only child and things are generally easier all around when a child has a sibling than being an only child. I’ll repeat what I said earlier. All I ever wanted was to get married. I love my kids, but I don’t always like them, and I clearly don’t love them unconditionally the way my wife does. I often think about how different — and probably better — our life would be if we didn’t have kids. We’d probably be out of debt (currently about $30,000 on credit cards), we’d get to travel more, which she loves, and probably be in a house that isn’t slowly falling apart. For context, we live in the Bay Area just east of San Francisco, our combined income is about $200,000 per year, and we have barely enough to pay the bills. The kids are 12 and 9 now, and I have no idea how we’ll help them pay for college." —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —fall_vapor_knj —Adventuresofjackandfinn —vw71squareback —terribleatusernames —anonymous Being a parent is hard because you are still you but now whether you like it or not these little people need you and honestly are more important than you for a while. My feelings have become, ‘If I take care of them now and show my love even on the bad days, it will make me feel better to know I gave them the best childhood they could have in this crazy world.’ I tell my kids, ‘Mommy has to work on her emotions too; it’s teamwork, and we’re in it together.’ This has helped my mentality staying home with toddlers a lot. Oh and last thing, my husband is the best and most supportive partner ever. Never have kids or risk having kids unless you have a great partner because having kids is stressful enough. You both need each other endlessly to get through it!" —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous —anonymous We have two kids, and that’s definitely enough! I absolutely adore my children and could never imagine life without them. Life is so much more fulfilling with them in it, and my husband is indeed an awesome dad. My kids are great, and I love spending time with them, but I still don’t like other kids and feel like I don’t know how to relate to them well. Often people, especially other parents, always seem so shocked when I honestly tell them I don’t like kids, but I also hear a bunch of people agree with me — they’re just too scared to tell their truth. While I enjoy being a mother, it doesn’t fulfill a deep-seated desire of mine from my younger days that it seems like so many other parents have." —anonymous —anonymous It changed my views on kids. I didn’t think of them as germy reasons I couldn’t have a carefree life and nice things anymore. Suddenly creating a life with my soulmate seemed beautiful. Corny (and awful) I know. We now have an 8-year-old, and nothing has changed my life more than becoming a mother. The only change I would make is not waiting so long." —anonymous —anonymous
